I love swimming because if I really wanted to I could go under water and never come back up for air. Sometimes I feel like water filling my lungs would be better than drowning in my thoughts every night. It would be more soothing than the voices in my head. The ache for air wouldn’t be as great as the ache in the pit of my stomache when you said you didn’t love me anymore. And when my lungs would collapse it wouldn’t be as painful as the day you left me. Neither would closing my eyes and finally letting go of my life, because that’s not nearly as terrible of a feeling than as the feeling of finally letting you go.